The Internationalist

From one plane, I got into another. All in the name of "Seeing the World" and "Hearing the sounds of the roaring globe". I started in Sydney and got on a plane to London.

"2 years", I told myslef.

I was going to feel the weight of sandstone and history. See the art and architecture. Be wet with rain. Go dance in indie-clubs and listen to the next big (but currently unknown) band. I went to discover what I wanted from life and how to make myself whole.

"Rebel! Rebel!", I told myself! An ambition that dissolved into to ministry.

I cried, each night, on my pillow, from the aching in my heart -
The eternal pining to call somewhere home, to feel complete and to be loved.

In London, I saw (and smelt) gypsy caravans. I wore the wellington boots and drank the pimms. I was quiet on a creaking tube and was loud on conservative streets. I grew mad with adversity and animosity.

I fell in Love!

I fell in love with the girl I'll always remember.

The girl who makes me feel loss to be talking about.

I lived the life of a romantic poet in Belgium.

I had cigars and wine; all before 10 in the morning!

I have the sonnets and prose to prove it.

I missed my friends and I missed my friend.

I tore my heart into pieces. I planted them everywhere I went.

I knew I could never reclaim them.

I hid in Holland. I found a place they'd call 'Gesellig'. I covered it in a thin sheet of night, placed it in a wicker basket and, later, into a parcel.

Then I forwarded on to New York;

There, I found the light and happiness I was missing.

A chunk of me, that I'd left in Sydney, was realised. I found it in the people who were surrounding the city. I knew I would need them to be near me - forever.

I went to New Jersey next, where I was alone again.

I cried. Overcome with the love I felt from the people I had been with.

"How could they love me," I thought, "when I'm like me?"

Next, I was overwhelmed by Love so big that it shattered me! And the Love I found, it directed me sternly - all while I was waiting in the New Jersey Airport!

I remember that during the time I was away, a friend died and left the world; while another died to truth and was now of the world, more than ever- and in conversation, the latter had become an epidemic.

New love was brewing and old love was being solidified.

I heard a call from an impossible place - Sydney....

... but I was boarding a flight back to London!

When I arrived in London, I was frantic. I started gathering materials in order to depart.
I left overnight and I said no goodbyes, though part of me was still burried there.

As the plane was landing in Sydney, I knew exactly where I was, but I dare not say how long I was there for; "I'm only anywhere as long as I'm present."

Here (again), I found pieces of me I never knew I had; Familiarity is a curse to understanding & innocents is a blessing to experience!

I found new eyes and saw everything as a beginning, though much had changed and ended.

I was the best I'd ever been and so glad to be me.

I booked a short stay in Hong Kong;

On top of one of Asia's peaks, by the foot of the world's largest Buddha, I drank scotch from a hip-flask I had purchased at a market in China and smoked the pipe I got in Chelsea. I was sitting, silhouetted in perfect blue sky, eating the plain rice I bought from a monk...

I wished that everyone I knew was there.

Life is where I live. Love is where I'm home.
To complete myself, I don't gather all of my heart's scattered pieces from accross the earth;
I love people and give them a piece of my whole, but broken, heart.


jf. x

A River Flowing Underground

What if it just so happened that there should be a river underground?

Beneath this city, flowing out into the sea. It's a secret and only you and I know.

We could be done with this place.

Would you hold my hand as we jumped through a trap door, leading us to an intricate system of pipe lines.We hold a map and a torch. Even though the smell of the cavern is dank and the sound of an echoing drip boom through the haunted chamber, we won't notice; we're compelled by pure Adrenalin.

The journey we're on is toward freedom.

In a little red boat that waits for us at the opening of the catacomb, we'd journey through moments of darkness, still being in the drains, but then would be met by brilliant light, dancing across perfectly formed waves, beneath pink and blue skies.

It's an exit; A perfect way to leave all of which we thought we were behind. All of those who said we were what, and everything that proved them right or wrong.

If you say 'yes', I'll let you go.

But me? I'll stay behind.

The city may be difficult, but I'll find my way out from above the ground. Taking more with me than just you and I, so that all might know the way.

Though the buildings here are shrouded in grey and the skyline is like a dirty collar, its people offer more light than a thousand sunsets across an ocean ever could.

Sure, out there we'd be free, but freedom and time that haven't been earned are boredom in anyone Else's book.

Life is beautiful.

jf. x

The Father's City

What our Grandfathers knew in their heads, our fathers believed in their hearts. So, they fought for ground and began building a new city for their children.

As their Fathers saw what was being built, their hearts turned toward the Son's and began to dream. They where now building with them. We grew up in the city. Bold and bright. Safe and sound. Protected and loved. Though, it was impossible to see it as our own.

When time came, we searched beyond the city's walls for answers; we found none. 

We embraced every feeling that came to hand as it ran across the landscape. 

Rough rock. Cold waters. Soft Velvet. 

Trying everything but the Truth we had already knew of. And after years of wondering the wilderness, our hearts turned back to The Father's.

We returned to the city that was prepared for us and it was our own.

Generation, for Generation. Until Kingdom come.

jf. x