Thursday, 7 May 2009

The Internationalist


From one plane, I got into another. All in the name of "Seeing the World" and "Hearing the sounds of the roaring globe". I started in Sydney and got on a plane to London.

"2 years", I told myslef.
I was going to feel the weight of sandstone and history. See the art and architecture. Be wet with rain. Go dance in indie-clubs and listen to the next big (but currently unknown) band. I went to discover what I wanted from life and how to make myself whole.

"Rebel! Rebel!", I told myself! An ambition that dissolved into to ministry.

I cried, each night, on my pillow, from the aching in my heart -
The eternal pining to call somewhere home, to feel complete and to be loved.

In London, I saw (and smelt) gypsy caravans. I wore the wellington boots and drank the pimms. I was quiet on a creaking tube and was loud on conservative streets. I grew mad with adversity and animosity.

I fell in Love!
I fell in love with the girl I'll always remember.
The girl who makes me feel loss to be talking about.

I lived the life of a romantic poet in Belgium.
I had cigars and wine; all before 10 in the morning!
I have the sonnets and prose to prove it.

I missed my friends and I missed my friend.
I tore my heart into pieces. I planted them everywhere I went.
I knew I could never reclaim them.

I hid in Holland. I found a place they'd call 'Gesellig'. I covered it in a thin sheet of night, placed it in a wicker basket and, later, into a parcel.

Then I forwarded on to New York;

There, I found the light and happiness I was missing.
A chunk of me, that I'd left in Sydney, was realised. I found it in the people who were surrounding the city. I knew I would need them to be near me - forever.

I went to New Jersey next, where I was alone again.
I cried. Overcome with the love I felt from the people I had been with.
"How could they love me," I thought, "when I'm like me?"

Next, I was overwhelmed by Love so big that it shattered me! And the Love I found, it directed me sternly - all while I was waiting in the New Jersey Airport!

I remember that during the time I was away, a friend died and left the world; while another died to truth and was now of the world, more than ever- and in conversation, the latter had become an epidemic.
New love was brewing and old love was being solidified.

I heard a call from an impossible place - Sydney....
... but I was boarding a flight back to London!

When I arrived in London, I was frantic. I started gathering materials in order to depart.
I left overnight and I said no goodbyes, though part of me was still burried there.

As the plane was landing in Sydney, I knew exactly where I was, but I dare not say how long I was there for; "I'm only anywhere as long as I'm present."

Here (again), I found pieces of me I never knew I had; Familiarity is a curse to understanding & innocents is a blessing to experience!
I found new eyes and saw everything as a beginning, though much had changed and ended.


I was the best I'd ever been and so glad to be me.

I booked a short stay in Hong Kong;

On top of one of Asia's peaks, by the foot of the world's largest Buddha, I drank scotch from a hip-flask I had purchased at a market in China and smoked the pipe I got in Chelsea. I was sitting, silhouetted in perfect blue sky, eating the plain rice I bought from a monk...

I wished that everyone I knew was there.

Life is where I live. Love is where I'm home.
To complete myself, I don't gather all of my heart's scattered pieces from accross the earth;
I love people and give them a piece of my whole, but broken, heart.


jf. x

7 comments:

EmilyKate said...

I love you Jonny Flash Hawkins. Boldly, unquestionably, truely, internationally.

kris said...

so vulnerable, so open. i love you jonny!
i honestly cant wait to spend more time with you. that hour or so in london together made my year!

Anonymous said...

Mr flash
your gonna impact more people's life
keep pushing forward dont give up HE aint done with you yet

1 love 1 GOD 1 way

Anonymous said...

Your absolutley amazing! Your stories are such an inspiration. I love watching you grow. Keep on writing.I cannot wait to see what else you have in that head of yours.

+jk said...

You live and then write
You love and then describe
it's refreshing
keep giving into that pattern of exchange my friend

+jk

Mel said...

Wow Jonny, I love it....Missing u here in London! :)

JasmineReid said...

You are a very gifted writer. Your style reminds me of the old school greats who write a style that seems to be dying out.
This could be made into film.