Thursday, 7 May 2009

The Internationalist

From one plane, I got into another. All in the name of "Seeing the World" and "Hearing the sounds of the roaring globe". I started in Sydney and got on a plane to London.

"2 years", I told myslef.
I was going to feel the weight of sandstone and history. See the art and architecture. Be wet with rain. Go dance in indie-clubs and listen to the next big (but currently unknown) band. I went to discover what I wanted from life and how to make myself whole.

"Rebel! Rebel!", I told myself! An ambition that dissolved into to ministry.

I cried, each night, on my pillow, from the aching in my heart -
The eternal pining to call somewhere home, to feel complete and to be loved.

In London, I saw (and smelt) gypsy caravans. I wore the wellington boots and drank the pimms. I was quiet on a creaking tube and was loud on conservative streets. I grew mad with adversity and animosity.

I fell in Love!
I fell in love with the girl I'll always remember.
The girl who makes me feel loss to be talking about.

I lived the life of a romantic poet in Belgium.
I had cigars and wine; all before 10 in the morning!
I have the sonnets and prose to prove it.

I missed my friends and I missed my friend.
I tore my heart into pieces. I planted them everywhere I went.
I knew I could never reclaim them.

I hid in Holland. I found a place they'd call 'Gesellig'. I covered it in a thin sheet of night, placed it in a wicker basket and, later, into a parcel.

Then I forwarded on to New York;

There, I found the light and happiness I was missing.
A chunk of me, that I'd left in Sydney, was realised. I found it in the people who were surrounding the city. I knew I would need them to be near me - forever.

I went to New Jersey next, where I was alone again.
I cried. Overcome with the love I felt from the people I had been with.
"How could they love me," I thought, "when I'm like me?"

Next, I was overwhelmed by Love so big that it shattered me! And the Love I found, it directed me sternly - all while I was waiting in the New Jersey Airport!

I remember that during the time I was away, a friend died and left the world; while another died to truth and was now of the world, more than ever- and in conversation, the latter had become an epidemic.
New love was brewing and old love was being solidified.

I heard a call from an impossible place - Sydney....
... but I was boarding a flight back to London!

When I arrived in London, I was frantic. I started gathering materials in order to depart.
I left overnight and I said no goodbyes, though part of me was still burried there.

As the plane was landing in Sydney, I knew exactly where I was, but I dare not say how long I was there for; "I'm only anywhere as long as I'm present."

Here (again), I found pieces of me I never knew I had; Familiarity is a curse to understanding & innocents is a blessing to experience!
I found new eyes and saw everything as a beginning, though much had changed and ended.

I was the best I'd ever been and so glad to be me.

I booked a short stay in Hong Kong;

On top of one of Asia's peaks, by the foot of the world's largest Buddha, I drank scotch from a hip-flask I had purchased at a market in China and smoked the pipe I got in Chelsea. I was sitting, silhouetted in perfect blue sky, eating the plain rice I bought from a monk...

I wished that everyone I knew was there.

Life is where I live. Love is where I'm home.
To complete myself, I don't gather all of my heart's scattered pieces from accross the earth;
I love people and give them a piece of my whole, but broken, heart.

jf. x